Reprising It

September 5, 2009

Have you ever noticed how deceptive our flesh is? Take for instance, how we think we have this great spiritual insight, only to have the Lord strip away the scales from our blinded eyes and give us an “Isaiah tours Heaven” experience. That happened to me today.

My life with my mother was not a pleasant one. Due to her upbringing, she developed a very unhealthy way of relating – that of constant criticism. It found its zenith in our relationship and deeply wounded me as a child. I still am, it would seem.

The Lord had me move in with she and dad to care for them about a year ago. (He told me to a year prior, but I didn’t want to believe He’d do that to me.) Dad passed away in March (read about that here). Well, she has not changed for the better and today, I lost it with her. After she refused to cease a critical attack upon my asking her to do so, I found myself delivering a very stern, “The Lord rebuke you! May the Lord rebuke you!” Being that it came from deep within, I was convinced that the Holy Spirit had just spoken.

In speaking about it with a close friend a little later, he was used of the Lord to open my eyes. It would seem that our wounds can express themselves. The scripture that comes to mind is, “See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled;” Heb 12:15  By the time our conversation was finished, I’d had one of those holy moments where the Lord lovingly scourges us. So at church in the morning, I hope to get prayer for my all too human condition.

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One Response to “Reprising It”

  1. appolus Says:

    HI Johnny,

    I read your testimony and was blessed by it. I was thinking about how deceptive the flesh is. Bonhoeffer says this about our efforts……

    If temptation were really what natural man and moral man
    understand by it, namely, testing of their own strength–
    whether their vital or their moral or even their Christian
    strength–in resistance, on the enemy, then it is true that
    Christ’s prayer would be incomprehensible. For that life is won
    only from death and the good only from the evil is a piece of
    thoroughly worldly knowledge which is not strange to the
    Christian. But all this has nothing to do with the temptation
    of which Christ speaks. It simply does not touch the reality
    which is meant here. The temptation of which the whole Bible
    speaks does not have to do with the testing of my strength, for
    it is of the very essence of temptation in the Bible that all
    my strength–to my horror, and without my being able to do
    anything about it–is turned against me; really all my powers,
    including my good and pious powers (the strength of my faith),
    fall into the hands of the enemy power and are now led into the
    field against me. Before there can be any testing of my powers,
    I have been robbed of them.
    … Dietrich Bonhoeffer (1906-1945), Temptation, London:
    SCM Press, 1955, p. 9

    Anyway, just some thoughts about total surrender and my quest for it, long way off 🙂 By the way, we both haev something in common, I married a girl from Overland Park :)……….Frank


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